没关系，是爱情啊

标题不是在说我。

今天忽然决定看一集《没关系，是爱情啊》，
原本真的只是打算看一集，
反正我没试过一部新剧可以连看两集，
然后还有我相信韩剧要是第一集我挨得了，
接下来无论剧情如何，我都可以把整部剧看完。

结果连续看了三集。

开始时剧情虽然有点老掉牙，
而且我相信剧情发展一定和一般韩剧一样，
什么男女主角开始成为冤家，
然后接二连三的事情都牵扯着双方，
接着机缘巧合之下变成邻居或室友，
经过重重困难最后两人坠入爱河。

是有和其它戏剧相似的地方，
可是《没关系，是爱情啊》的特别之处，
就是以心理医学为题材
（病症是真的，但是治疗法可以是虚构），
整部剧就是围绕着一群带着心病和心理障碍生活的人们。

心理病其实也是一种病症，
像普通伤风感冒一样需要治疗，
可是现今社会仍然对心理和精神问题存有歧见。

现代人生活繁忙，家庭责任重大，
工作压力更不在话下，
往往因为各种周遭的人事物而产生了心理和精神上的不平衡，
有心理病和精神病理应尽快寻求治疗，
但很可惜的是，人们却将心理与精神治疗当成研究疯子，
觉得自己要是接受开解或治疗就是疯了。

病人会因为觉得自己没有疯，所以抗拒帮助。
家属会因为觉得病人想太多，所以不多理会。

什么时候开始，人类就觉得心理问题不值得重视？
要是只注重身体强健，那为什么说“身心健康”？

当一个人患上了癌症，接受化疗而受了不少苦，
大家就会觉得啊……好可怜好辛苦，病得很惨，
治疗过程一定让他辛苦了，但为了抗癌，
再辛苦也是值得的，为了将来健康的人生。

那么，当一个人需要心理治疗的时候呢?

至今仍然存有这“我又不是傻子，看心理医生干嘛？”
心理疾病不只是限于我们俗称的神经病，
其实有很多很普遍的都发生在我们周围，
甚至发生在你我身上，轻微却不代表可以无视它的存在。

惧高症，强迫症，学习障碍，多重人格，
自恋性人格异常等等等等，
这些我们不都经常听到周围的人在说？
有人自觉得有惧高症而不敢过吊桥，
有人自觉得有强迫症而一定要东西整齐得很，
有人就根本自恋到连阿妈都不认得。

为什么日常的谈话当中，
大家可以很理所当然的觉得自己如何如何，
但如果真的得了某种心理疾病却抗拒得很？
理由很简单，就是缺乏认知与关怀。

我家有学习障碍的成员，
所以不要以为我是在装聪明扮英雄捍卫心理治疗，
看了几集的电视剧虽然真的不代表什么，
但是我真的很希望人们可以重视身心健康，而不只是身体强健。

虽然我不知道我本身是否真正的健康，
也当然不希望自己有任何疾病，身体上也好，心理上也罢。
只是觉得大家身边如果有个举止异常的朋友，
在歧视或责骂他们之前，先多跟他们聊天，
了解他们的问题在哪里，为什么会这样做等等，
不要一味认为他们的怪行让周围的人不高兴，
站在他们的立场想想，正常人也不希望自己行为改变。

话说回来，剧名取为《没关系，是爱情啊》
真的很没有看头……
听起来像是什么普通爱情片。

제목 없음

最近察觉自己
已经把很多事情给忘了
不是特意的擦去过去的回忆
但要自行回想起过去的种种
在没有照片等等物品的辅助之下
似乎有点难度

有时问问自己
这辈子最开心的时候是几时
好像没有答案
再问问
最近喜欢做些什么
也没有答案

不知道是什么情况

看来某日起
我应该写日记什么的

在别人忘掉我之前
不可以把自己给忘了

just me

Another obligatory monthly(?!) update, here I come.

Not gonna talk about what have I been through since the last update, all I can say is my life is still pretty satisfyingly great I guess, just sometimes I am quite bothered with certain problems that obviously will not have a solution, forever.

Many would say, if a problem has no solution, why worry? But some would say, out of 100, 99 of your worries do not exist, so you only need to deal with the remaining 1.

July 22nd 2014, the day when my self-esteem and confidence completely got demolished. Who to take the blame? I really have no clue. I do not think I can blame on anyone or anything.

I did consult a doctor, but his face clearly showed me I came to find him quite late already. Yes, it is pretty obvious what my main worry is right now if you have seen me in person after June this year.

No medicine, no 100% recovery, which means I am going to look like this forever until the day I step into my grave. Or I'd probably look worse by then who knows. Seems like I am not THAT happy like what I said earlier. Whatever.

It could be due to genetic reasons or stress, the doctor pointed out, but since there was no proof of genetic issue, he sort of concluded that I was being too stressful. Stressful, hmm.. and on top of that I got a hideous physical appearance in return. Thank you god (if you ever exist) for being so fair.

I really do not know what to think, I try to stay positive about having half chance of recovery, I try to make my personality outshine any impairment, I try to not think about it, I try to not overthink. I try so much that I realize I cannot even accept the fact that I am like this already.

Stress? The hell I got that, to be really frank. I spend most of my time doing useless things and never give a shit about being productive. Stress?! The hell I got that from?

I seriously do not understand.

Every time I look into the mirror I start to stare and think. Ugly as fuck.

Here is to everyone out there who thinks physical appearance is not important, what is important is a person's heart and mindset, confidence makes a person beautiful etc. I can tell you all these are applicable provided you are born with a very highly decent physical appearance. Do not disagree with me because none of you will ever understand how I feel.

To hell I will believe this world has people who do not judge based on looks. To hell I will ever find an ugly person who has confidence in himself/herself. To hell..

You know what? You don't just simply go around and tell a person to be themselves, be positive, be confident. Some people are not born like that. Some are, but they change in the process of growing up. Yes, clearly I am saying myself.

People keep telling me to let out my problems so that I do not have to keep everything to myself and let me suffer alone. But honestly speaking, who on Earth would spend half of their life listening to me complaining about the same old problems I have.

No one can help me. But don't worry, I'm just slightly depressed, not suicidal no.

The internet's way of asking people to regain/build up confidence is making me so sick that I feel like throwing up whenever I read a post like that.

Being confidence starts by loving yourself?  I disagree. You can love yourself and at the same time have low level of self-esteem. It's complicated to understand because this is not what you go through. Example? If I hate myself I would have been suicidal for real. Truth is, I am still alive but still struggling with self-esteem problems. I do not hate life.

I just don't want to look like this for the rest of my life. Perhaps I would not have been so depressed when the result of this was due to genes.

Hi

All this while I have been forcing myself to think positively, to have a healthier lifestyle, to quit a lot of things I used to do for fun.

Guess who's not doing well recently?

So sorry if I have made you worried.

Ok fine

So I have been thinking of it for like more than 3 months I guess? And then here comes a dream (that I long for).

I woke up accidentally at 3am this morning, so I decided to charge my phone before I went back to sleep again because I'd have to get up at 6.30am later. I was worried that I couldn't fall back to sleep as the room was extremely cold and I had no idea where the hell my blanket was. Then the thought of "sleeping in a cold room would increase the chance of having a bad dream" came into my mind after I chanted that name. Not really chanted but it kinda appeared in my mind, and I didn't force myself to think of it I swear.

Unsurprisingly, I fell asleep again, thank God. 

I didn't have a dream before I woke up at 3, but I had a dream after my next sleep. And need not to mention what the hell was going on in THAT dream, yet I must say everything seemed so real, so fucking real until I couldn't even believe it. I got teased. Or flirted I don't know. And then there was a movie session, in the living room, on the couch, pretty innocent though, I loved it. Everything went on so smoothly and I got so much hope like...I felt like I belonged to that kind of life in reality. Until a plot twist happened in the end. I was clinging to the air instead of an arm. 

It ended sadly though. If dreams reflect total opposite of reality, then I'm seriously getting my hope up so so so high. Whatever.